so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
