I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
