Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
