fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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