I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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