corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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