Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
