i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
