last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
