so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
