And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
