i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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