I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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