I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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