I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
