I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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