That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
