ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
