Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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