I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
