Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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