The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
