her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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