I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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