then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
