i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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