I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
