Hey man sorry I got all grabby
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
