dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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