The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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