She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
