Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
