he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
