i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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