i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize