make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
