Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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