She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
