Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
