Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You ate ashes out of my bong
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