she looked like the before picture.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
