I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
