Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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