I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ladies don't puke and tell
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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