Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
