What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
