When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont even know how to be here
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
