david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
