omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
