I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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