You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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