ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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