alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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