my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I understand Curling. That high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
