So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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