Plan B is the new Plan A
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
