Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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