Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
