yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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