Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
