I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize