omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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