is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
