his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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