note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
