Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
