I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
