Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize