So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
