AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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