either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
