Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
